When you're heading out on a first date, you might be wondering one thing: Will the night end with a kiss or not? While it's entirely normal to think about this in the hours leading up to said get-together, our first piece of advice is to not let this question overwhelm you. Our next piece of advice? Do what works best for your dating life.
According to Wale Okerayi LMHC LPC, a licensedmental health counselor, it's entirely okay to kiss on the first date if that is something you'd like to do. "I think society has made us feel like everything is on a specific timeline. If there’s mutual respect and consent, I say go for it," she shares.
With that in mind, if it's helpful for you to understand how to navigate the anticipation surrounding a kiss before entering your first date, we put together a quick guide to explain what you need to know. Following the expertise of Okerayi and Sheril Kirshenbaum, an Emmy Award-winning scientist and the author of "The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us", here's how to decide if, and when, you should end your night with a peck on the lips.
Meet the Expert
- Wale Okerayi LMHC LPCis a licensed mental health counselor practicing in both New York and Texas. She specializes in individual and relationship counseling and can be reached directly viaher website.
- Sheril Kirshenbaum is an Emmy Award-winning scientist and the author of "The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us," a book that explores the science behind kissing.
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How to Decide If You Should Kiss on a First Date
If you happen to be on the fence about kissing on the first date, consider this: One of the benefits of giving or receiving a kiss is that it can help you determine if there's chemistry between you and your date. Research has also shown that kissing is a positive behavior that is linked to pleasure, joy, and commitment in adult relationships.
That said, if you're comfortable with the idea of kissing on the first date, here are a few practical ways to determine if giving or receiving a kiss is the right move.
Assess if you and your date have chemistry.
If you and your date are flirting and you feel like there's an instant spark, take it as a sign that you might want to end night with a romantic kiss. Kirshenbaum also adds that "The more anticipation you feel leading up to a kiss, the greater the dopamine spike." Meaning, a night of flirting and romantic chemistry will likely lead to an amazing first-date kiss.
Determine if a kiss will show your date that you're interested.
When you've had an enjoyable, engaging, and thrilling first date with someone, sealing the evening witha terrificFrench kiss can be a way to add an exclamation point on the great time you both had. In some cases, kissing on a first date can also leave you both excited about getting to see each other in the future.
Fair warning: Even if you kiss on the first date, that doesn't signify that you'll have another date with this person. Unfortunately, there are plenty of daters who end up kissing at the end of the night but never hear from their date again. Many people who are serial daters may go in for the kiss now, only to ghost you later.
Lean into your instincts.
There's nothing greater than trusting your gut when trying to make a decision. So, if kissing your date is something you'd really like to do—plus, your date is open to it—lean into what you feel is right and kiss on the first date. The key is to go with what your instincts are telling you, while also being respectful to your date's boundaries.
When to Kiss on a First Date
As no twofirst dates are alike, it's up to you to decide when you'd like to kiss the person you're with or not. And in most cases, this simply just happens when the moment and mood are right, explains Okerayi. However, there are a few factors that can play a role in timing, like your location or even the weather.
Ultimately, though, having a plan on when and where to kiss on the first date isn't entirely realistic. The best thing to do is trust yourself and not put any pressure on finding the "right time." Plus, the more first dates that you go on, the more dating apps you join, and the more you put yourself out there, the better you'll be able to recognize firsthand when you should or shouldn't kiss someone.
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FAQs
It depends on your personal preferences and how you feel in the moment. If you feel a connection, want to pursue a relationship, and enjoy kissing, go for it. If you don't feel a spark, prefer to take things slow, or your date doesn't seem interested, it might be better to wait.
Are you supposed to kiss on the first date? ›
Deciding whether or not to kiss on the first date is tricky, but experts say to just trust your instincts. “I don't think there's any right or wrong when it comes to kissing on the first date; it's just how you're feeling, what the vibe is, what the connection is, what you're comfortable with,” said Durocher.
Is it OK not to kiss after first date? ›
If the first date ends without a kiss, it's not necessarily a deal breaker. It's possible that the other person just wasn't feeling it or wasn't ready for a kiss. Alternatively, it could be a sign that there wasn't a strong connection or that the timing wasn't right.
What percentage of first dates end with a kiss? ›
If you feel the attraction and you feel the desire to kiss, lean in a little and see if your date leans in with you," suggests law of attraction expert Christy Whitman. While 53% of first dates end with a kiss, when you should share a first kiss with someone is really up to you and the other person.
How many dates before first kiss is normal? ›
Expect to share a kiss within the first 3 dates.
Some people want to kiss right away on the first date, but others just need a little more time getting to know each other. Just remember that it's completely normal if someone wants to wait longer if they have different values or beliefs.
What does it mean when a guy doesn't kiss you on the first date? ›
It's not a big deal if a guy doesn't kiss you on the first date. It might signal that he's shy or reserved, and he might lay one on you on the second date.
What do guys think if a girl kisses them first? ›
Men like to be the one in charge of relationships, so usually it's them who initiates the kiss but it's nice to surprise them once in a while with you kissing them first. Yet, don't overdo it. You'll seem like you're trying to “take over”, and they don't like it cause it ruins their ego.
How long should a first date last? ›
Half of respondents prefer casual drinks, followed by coffee (43%) or going to a market or picnic (34%). On average, a first date should last a little less than three hours (2.72), and it takes respondents about four dates to feel comfortable with that person.
How to avoid kiss on first date? ›
Explain that you're not interested in kissing.
- For example, you could say, “I don't like being kissed,” “I don't enjoy kissing in public,” or “I never kiss on the first date.”
- If you think you might be interested in kissing the person later on, you could say something like, “I'm not ready for kissing just yet.”
Your date could tell you that they find you extremely good looking and that you're just their type. They may feel more comfortable kissing you on a first date because it's easy to physically connect with you. That one kiss could be enough to satisfy their appetite, or they may be interested in even more.
Creating a good first impression is all about confidence, which includes dressing comfortably and going to a place you'll enjoy together. During your date, talk about your life and get to know his life, too.
Do guys expect a kiss on the first date? ›
No, and roughly half of first dates don't end in a kiss. Only about 53% of first dates actually end with a kiss. You should only kiss if it's what you both want. A guy who's truly interested in you will be happy to wait for your first kiss.
On which date should you sleep together? ›
A second study in 2017 asked men and women specifically how many dates they usually waited before having a sexual experience with their partner. On average, men reported waiting about five dates, and women reported a preference of waiting closer to nine dates.
How to initiate a kiss? ›
If you're about to kiss someone for the first time, make sure you're reading the situation correctly by asking verbally. From there, you can set the moment with your body language — moving in a bit closer, cupping their cheek — or use both words and actions. Consent isn't just important. It can also be pretty sexy.
What does it mean if a guy kisses you on the first date? ›
They're attracted to you.
That one kiss could be enough to satisfy their appetite, or they may be interested in even more. They may say, “I have to admit. I'm so attracted to you.
What is first date etiquette? ›
In fact, your focus should be on listening well and making the other person comfortable. To that end, avoid sensitive topics related to sex or money. Asking how much the other person earns or why their last relationship ended are not good questions to ask on a first date.
How long should a first date kiss last? ›
How long should it last? You might have the image of the perfect first kiss, but Friedrichs explains that there's no such thing. “There's no right answer here — some people like to kiss for a few seconds, and others can spend hours making out,” she says.
What a girl should not do on a first date? ›
To help you with this, we've come up with a list of things not to do on your first date:
- Don't talk about yourself endlessly.
- Don't quiz them.
- Don't dismiss them because they're not your type.
- Don't talk about your ex.
- Don't talk about work.
- Don't avoid eye contact.
- Don't wear something uncomfortable.
