Gender Neutral Parenting: Effects, Pros & Cons (2024)

In this Article

  • What Is Gender-Neutral Parenting?
  • Is It Healthy for Your Child?
  • Effects of Gender-Neutral Parenting on Children
  • Gender-Neutral Parenting Pros and Cons
  • How to Raise a Gender-Neutral Child

What are all of us taught while growing up? That blue is for boys, and pink is for girls, right? This is supposed to be conventional thinking. But, nowadays, some parents are opting to raise their child as gender-neutral. It is an unconventional approach, which is constantly under debate. If you have been thinking of going the same route with your own child, there a few things you should keep in mind. Let’s discuss gender-neutral parenting below, which may help you decide if this is indeed the approach you want to adopt for your child, or not.

What Is Gender-Neutral Parenting?

Gender-neutral parenting is when parents raise a child without forcing any preconceived gender norms upon them, and allow them to choose which one they would rather adopt for the rest of their lives. This allows the child not to be put into a box and grow up according to conventional gender rules. For example, parents would address the child as ‘Baby’ in their conversations and not ‘Boy’ or ‘Girl’, allow them to dress in what they want, whether it means boys wearing pink, or girls wearing blue, keep neutral room decor and toys, and in general avoid any kind of gender stereotyping. Some parents might even choose to hide the gender of their child from everyone except their closest family members.

Is It Healthy for Your Child?

This question really depends on the different mindsets of people. One viewpoint talks about how gender-neutral parenting is a major pro, as the child can grow up freely, without conforming to any of the man-made rules that society places around gender. Gender norms can make kids feel they need to force themselves to be something they are not, impeding their happiness and health. One parent says her 4-year-old son grew up wearing jeans and dresses, played with all types of toys, and had long hair. He told his parents that though he identifies as a boy, he still would want to wear girls’ clothes.

However, on the flip side, some experts say that if children are not raised as either a boy or a girl, they might end up feeling lost and confused about their own identity, and grow up without any clarity as to who they are.

Effects of Gender-Neutral Parenting on Children

The most common question is, what effect will gender-neutral parenting have on children? Let’s look at a few things to keep in mind:

1. Impact on Social Life

Strict gender-neutral parenting is virtually impossible, if your child goes to playschool or daycare. A gender-neutral child’s dress sense or playing style might attract awkward questions from his classmates or their parents, which in turn might cause issues for you and your child. It might even result in bullying or teasing from other kids.

2. Impact on Playtime

Gender-neutral parenting should not affect playtime, as parents would typically encourage their kids to play with a wide variety of toys, or let them choose whichever toy they want to play with.

3. Impact on Sexuality

Gender-neutral parenting has less effect on sexuality than you would think. Research shows that hom*osexuality is influenced higher by biology and genetics, than environment. In fact, 85% of gender-nonconforming children go on to become heterosexual adults.

Gender-Neutral Parenting Pros and Cons

What are the pros and cons of raising your child as gender-neutral?

Pros

  • Gender-neutral kids are more creative, thanks to the freedom of expression and choice.
  • Children who get to choose between ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ toys regardless of their gender have the ability to enhance their insights and interests.
  • They also have the ability to have more interests and hobbies.
  • Your child can be truly who they are, regardless of any restriction.
  • Your child will become familiar with the interests of the opposite gender.
  • Being gender-neutral can increase your child’s awareness of identity and self-esteem.
  • Children who get the freedom of such choice early in life are more likely to have high self-confidence, and be leaders later in life.
  • Gender-neutral children are more likely to be agents of gender equality, both in school and in their own cultures.
  • Gender-neutral kids grow up with the ability to never have any bias or stereotype in any situation.
  • Gender-neutral children do not feel any added pressure to make choices of which they are uncertain.

Cons

  • If a child is raised without the concept of gender, they will become confused about their identity when they attend school and meet other kids.
  • It will be challenging for parents to avoid all gender-specific pronouns at home like him, her, she, or he.
  • There is no way of avoiding gender in the child’s future due to surrounding society, so giving them exposure early will help them decide who they are and what they want to be.
  • Be careful not to slip and put your child into another ‘type’. They’re people, not ‘gender-neutral children’.
  • You also have to be careful not to push gender-neutral parenting onto your child. If a boy likes only blue and sports, then it’s okay. Similarly, if your girl likes pink and princesses, that’s okay, too.

How to Raise a Gender-Neutral Child

Gender-neutral parenting psychology can be tricky. Here are a few science-backed tips:

1. Reduce the Importance of Gender

Don’t use the term gender-neutral, but help your kids be free of any gender restrictions. You can do this by removing labels on gender from your language. For example, replace ‘What a smart girl you are!’ with ‘What a smart kid you are!’.

2. Avoid the Pink and Blue Themes

Watch out for attributing gender stereotypes and any stressing of difference between boys and girls. Never associate pink with a girl and blue with a boy. This can change their thinking and behaviour to adapt to norms early on. You can get them gender-neutral clothes, and encourage them to wear neutral colours. However, if your child naturally gravitates towards either pink or blue, don’t discourage them. Teach them that all colours are equal, and they can choose whatever they like.

3. Encourage Girls and Boys to Play Together

It is vital for children to be comfortable playing with the opposite gender, as this will make them ready for future relationships at work, at home, and in school. You can enter your child in mixed-gender activities, sports, and playgroups.

Gender Neutral Parenting: Effects, Pros & Cons (1)

4. Don’t Eliminate Gender Entirely

Your goal should not be to erase gender, but to encourage your child to look past gender norms, and pursue all interests, careers, and hobbies. By making sure their opportunities and choices are not restricted by gender, you can better emphasise how irrelevant gender is in society.

5. Introduce Them to Role Models

Expose your children to role models like male nurses, female engineers and mechanics, and so on. Your child will be encouraged if they learn about people who challenge gender stereotypes, and express themselves in a gender-fluid manner.

6. Focus on Your Kid As an Independent Individual

Studies show that there is no difference between a male brain and a female brain. Although both genders have biological differences, in other aspects, they have a mix of traits that are characteristic of both sexes. Hence, it is essential to focus on your child as a single human, rather than a gender-related boy or girl.

7. Teach Them That Being Different is Okay

It is important to teach and reassure your child that being gender-neutral might be slightly different to others, but is still completely okay, positive, and normal.

8. Encourage Free Expression in a Safe Space

Allow your child to explore and experiment in a safe environment, in activities like role play and dressing up. Support them in whatever choice they make. They may choose to express themselves in ways that are or aren’t characteristic of their biological gender. Let them keep their possibilities open.

9. Teach Them About Sexism

Help your children recognise stereotypes and biases, and how the society and world we live in has gender divisions. This will equip them better for the future, and help them that realise gender division is not due to the difference in ability, but due to a culture which is stereotypical.

10. Remember That Toys Have No Gender

Do not gender stereotype toys as boy toys and girl toys. This can affect your child in their psychological and physical development if you are raising them as gender-neutral. Let your child play with a wide variety of toys which are not segregated as being toys for boys or girls.

Most importantly, the decision to raise a gender-neutral child should not be to make the child a symbol of social change; it should be to give the child freedom to decide their own identity, free from any gender limitations.

Gender Neutral Parenting: Effects, Pros & Cons (2)

Also Read:

Foster Parenting
Permissive Parenting Style
Co-Parenting Tips to Consider

Gender Neutral Parenting: Effects, Pros & Cons (2024)

FAQs

Does gender affect parenting? ›

Mothers on average spent more time with their children in general than fathers, spent more time taking care of their children, were more likely not to work full time, were seen as more overprotective and more caring, spent the most quality time with their children, and still speak to their children more often today.

Why is gender-neutral a good thing? ›

Why is Gender Neutrality Important? Gender neutrality is important because it helps eliminate gender stereotypes that harm everyone. The term “gender” refers to socially constructed roles and behaviours of men, women, and all gender-diverse people.

What are the negative effects of gender roles? ›

Often women and girls are confined to fulfilling roles as mothers, wives and caretakers. Gender norms position girls as caretakers, which leads to gender inequality in how roles are distributed at the household level. This also results in a lack of education due to the restriction of outside opportunities.

Does gender matter when raising a child? ›

On average, children succeed most when raised by two parents rather than one. The parents' genders, however, make little difference in terms of a child's development, according to a landmark study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family.

What is the problem with gender-neutral? ›

While using gender-neutral pronouns for everyone reduces instances of misgendering, it also reduces opportunities to acknowledge gender identity— preempting a potentially meaningful experience of social affirmation.

What are the negative effects of parenting? ›

Depression and low self esteem can also be caused by bad parenting. A child who is never allowed to make decisions, and who is constantly criticized, belittled and who goes through abuse is likely to have low self esteem. It becomes worse when the child goes through sexual abuse as a child.

What is the most harmful parenting style? ›

Psychologists and experts agree that kids with an uninvolved or neglectful parent generally have the most negative outcomes. A neglectful mother is not simply a parent who gives a child more freedom or less face-time. Negligent parents neglect their other duties as parents, too.

How does gender roles affect parenting styles? ›

Studies have found that parents are biased in their parenting styles depending on the child's gender. Authoritarian parenting, especially physical punishment, is mostly used for boys while girls, on the other hand, are given more reasoning (McKee et al., 2007; Russell et al., 1998).

How does gender affect a child's development? ›

Gender also affects physical growth in infancy. Weight, length, and head circumference are greater in boys than in girls throughout the first year of life (Geary, Pringle, Rodeck, Kingdom, & Hindmarsh, 2003). These growth differences are related to hormonal differences between boys and girls.

How to raise a child without imposing gender? ›

How can we raise kids more free of gender expectations?
  1. Start from neutral. ...
  2. Provide options. ...
  3. Make sure all adults are on the same page. ...
  4. Let them see all the possibilities. ...
  5. Follow your child's lead. ...
  6. Allow for flexibility. ...
  7. Notice your own bias. ...
  8. Acknowledge mistakes.
Aug 30, 2021

What is the concept of gender-neutral? ›

General. The term 'gender-neutral' means that something is not associated with either women or men. It may refer to various aspects such as concepts or style of language.

Why do we need gender-neutral laws? ›

Gender neutral rights are not only important to prevail equality in the society but also, it gives all human beings a sense of security. Gender neutrality, when practiced in its true sense, helps to create a balance in the society and demolishes the sense of superiority that generally gives rise to crimes.

What are the cons of gender inequality? ›

With the prevalence of gender discrimination, and social norms and practices, girls become exposed to the possibility of child marriage, teenage pregnancy, child domestic work, poor education and health, sexual abuse, exploitation and violence. Many of these manifestations will not change unless girls are valued more.

How does gender inequality negatively affect society? ›

Gender discrimination has a significant impact on mental and physical health worldwide. It can limit peoples' access to healthcare, increase rates of ill health, and lower life expectancy. While it is true that women live longer than men on average, they experience higher rates of ill health during their lifetimes.

What are some examples of gender norms that are harmful to society? ›

Ten harmful beliefs that perpetuate violence against women and...
  • Women must be submissive to male family members in all aspects of her life. ...
  • Men are expected to exercise coercive control. ...
  • Men have the right to discipline women for 'incorrect' behavior. ...
  • Women cannot deny their male partner sex.

What gender is harder to raise? ›

According to global analytics firm Gallup, 54% of Americans say that boys are easier to raise than girls. Since 1947, Americans have consistently said that boys are the easier gender to raise.

Which parent is most responsible for determining the gender of a child? ›

What we can say is that dad's sperm determines whether a baby will be born as a boy or a girl. About half of his sperm will make a boy and half a girl. The sex of the baby depends on which sperm gets to the egg first.

Who is responsible for Childs gender? ›

Men determine the sex of a baby depending on whether their sperm is carrying an X or Y chromosome. An X chromosome combines with the mother's X chromosome to make a baby girl (XX) and a Y chromosome will combine with the mother's to make a boy (XY).

What happens if you dont like either gender? ›

What Does It Mean to Be Asexual? Someone who is asexual doesn't experience sexual attraction and/or doesn't desire sexual contact. Asexuals may also use shorthand like “Ace” to describe their sexual orientation.

What pronoun is gender-neutral? ›

'They', for instance, is a third-person pronoun that is gender neutral. Other gender-neutral pronouns include 'them', 'this person', 'everyone', 'Ze', or 'Hir'. If you're not sure which pronoun to use, you can also use that person's name.

What is a good genderless name? ›

According to Yau, these are the most typically unisex names:
  • Jessie.
  • Marion.
  • Jackie.
  • Alva.
  • Ollie.
  • Jodie.
  • Cleo.
  • Kerry.
Jun 23, 2022

What are 3 challenges of parenting? ›

The Challenges of Parenting
  • It can be lonely and isolating. ...
  • It can be overwhelming. ...
  • It is difficult to know what is “right”. ...
  • It is tiring. ...
  • It can be difficult to deal with peer pressure. ...
  • Your own expectations may be unattainably high. ...
  • Social media can make many of the above harder.

What are positive and negative influences of family? ›

Physical health - Many studies have shown that positive relationships with relatives lead to more positive habits later in life, such as taking better care of yourself and making healthy food choices. In contrast, negative relationships that cause stress can lead to unhealthy eating habits and poor physical self-care.

Which parenting style has the worst effect on children? ›

Uninvolved Parenting

An uninvolved parent is the most destructive to the development of a child. Whereas authoritarian parents overdo their rules and boundaries, and the permissive parent joins their child in breaking the rules, the uninvolved parent neglects their children and has NO relationship with them.

What age is the hardest to parent? ›

In fact, age 8 is so tough that the majority of the 2,000 parents who responded to the 2020 survey agreed that it was the hardest year, while age 6 was better than expected and age 7 produced the most intense tantrums.

What is the strongest parent/child relationship? ›

Unconditional Love

Children need to know that that love will not falter through their ups and downs, and that their parents will always be there to support them emotionally no matter what. They need to feel that failures do not dictate whether they are worthy of the love they receive from their parents.

Why is it better to educate a girl child than a boy? ›

Girls have the right same right to education as boys. Educated girls can make informed choices – and from a far better range of options. Educating girls saves lives and builds stronger families, communities and economies. An educated female population increases a country's productivity and fuels economic growth.

How do you parent a non binary child? ›

Tips for supporting your non-binary child
  1. Show acceptance and love. Once your child comes out to you, make sure they know you accept and love them. ...
  2. Avoid calling it a phase. ...
  3. Use their preferred pronouns and/or name. ...
  4. Know when they need extra support. ...
  5. 5 things to consider when planning a Halloween costume.
Jun 30, 2021

How does parenthood unequally impact the careers of male and female parents? ›

Parenthood can cause many changes to careers. For one, parenthood creates a new demand to allocate time to childcare and, for birth mothers, to recover from childbirth. In academia, women report more time spent on housework and childcare than men (22, 23).

Does gender affect emotional development? ›

Women show relatively stronger emotional expressivity, whereas men have stronger emotional experiences with angry and positive stimuli. The self-report results are identical to those reported in several previous studies. Women often report more intense emotional responses [25], particularly for negative emotions [30].

At what age do children become aware of their gender? ›

Gender identity typically develops in stages: Around age two: Children become conscious of the physical differences between boys and girls. Before their third birthday: Most children can easily label themselves as either a boy or a girl. By age four: Most children have a stable sense of their gender identity.

How does gender inequality affect children? ›

In many countries, gender inequality and discrimination underpin women's low status, their poor physical and mental health and their limited opportunities to make choices for themselves and their children. This in turn results in their children having fewer chances of surviving and thriving during early childhood.

What are 3 ways parents can help their children not develop gender stereotypes? ›

Here are five ways I've found that parents and caregivers can fight gender stereotypes in kids' lives.
  • Acknowledge that a child may be LGBTQI+ ...
  • Be aware of gendered marketing. ...
  • Disrupt gender stereotypes at home. ...
  • Use gender-neutral language. ...
  • Encourage mixed-gender play.
Feb 23, 2021

How do you deal with gender disappointment? ›

What can you do
  1. Find a safe person to talk to. You may find it easiest to speak to your partner, particularly if they're also experiencing gender disappointment. ...
  2. Evaluate your feelings. ...
  3. Allow yourself to work through the feelings.
Jan 30, 2020

Can you control the gender of a child? ›

The only true way to select the sex of your baby is by undergoing IVF with preimplantation genetic testing (PGT). IVF is a reproductive treatment in which eggs are fertilized by sperm in a laboratory. When the egg is fertilized, it is called an embryo.

What are the examples of neutral gender? ›

A neuter gender noun is a noun that denotes a lifeless thing. A thing which is neither male nor female. For example Pen, pencil, book, bed, etc.

Is being gender-neutral good? ›

Being gender-neutral can increase your child's awareness of identity and self-esteem. Children who get the freedom of such choice early in life are more likely to have high self-confidence, and be leaders later in life.

What is the difference between gender equality and gender neutrality? ›

A simple analogy to address the difference would be: Gender equality: your office hires the same number of men and women. Gender neutrality: your office hires the best person for the job regardless of gender.

Which country has gender neutral laws? ›

Most of Europe and North America and even Asian countries such as South Korea, Bhutan, Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan have enacted gender-neutral laws. Under #genderneutral laws, all genders are equal in the eyes of law.

What is age neutral victims? ›

NEW DELHI: In a major order, the Supreme Court on Tuesday expanded the definition of “vulnerable witness” in a criminal case, which earlier used to be a child below the age of 18, to include age and gender neutral victims of sexual assault and witnesses suffering from mental illness among others.

What are the cons of gender selection? ›

Ethical concerns about selecting a baby's gender
  • Possible destruction of embryos. One concern revolves around what happens to the unused embryos. ...
  • Societal imbalance. ...
  • Gender devaluation. ...
  • “Designer babies” ...
  • Adult onset diseases. ...
  • References:

What is the problem with gender pronouns? ›

Gender pronouns are the terms people use when referring to someone in the third person. Like their name, gender pronouns affirm part of a person's identity. It is just as disrespectful to use the wrong pronouns as it is to call someone by the wrong name. As a general rule, you shouldn't assume a person's pronouns.

What are the potential negative effects that gender stereotypes may have on children? ›

Aside from career choice, gender stereotypes can affect every part of life, contributing towards poor mental health in young people, higher male suicide rates, low self-esteem in girls and issues with body image (1 in 5 14 year olds self-harm), furthermore allowing a culture of toxic masculinity and violence against ...

Why shouldn't parents choose the gender of their child? ›

As such, sex selection is a product of, and perpetuates, false assumptions about gender that keep men and women “in their places”. This prevents progress towards equality and freedom from restrictive gender roles and bias.

What are the dangers of gender inequality? ›

Gender inequity has serious and long-lasting consequences for women and other marginalized genders. Exposure to violence, objectification, discrimination, and socioeconomic inequality can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and PTSD.

What pronoun is gender neutral? ›

'They', for instance, is a third-person pronoun that is gender neutral. Other gender-neutral pronouns include 'them', 'this person', 'everyone', 'Ze', or 'Hir'. If you're not sure which pronoun to use, you can also use that person's name.

What are the 4 gender pronouns? ›

Gendered pronouns specifically reference someone's gender: he/him/his or she/her/hers. Non-gendered or nonbinary pronouns are not gender specific and are most often used by people who identify outside of a gender binary.

What if I refuse to use pronouns? ›

Intentional refusal to use someone's correct pronouns is equivalent to harassment and a violation of one's civil rights. The Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 expressly prohibits workplace discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, and national origin.

How do gender roles affect mental health? ›

Gender Differences in Mental Health

It also found that women are more likely to internalize emotions, which typically results in withdrawal, loneliness, and depression, while men are more likely to externalize emotions, leading to aggressive, impulsive, coercive, and noncompliant behavior.

What are the positive effects of gender stereotyping? ›

Exposure to positive gender stereotypes would increase the pursuit of goals that are inconsistent with the negative gender stereotypes that “complement” these positive stereotypes; namely, increased pursuit of agentic goals among women (Study 1) and increased pursuit of communal goals among men (Study 2).

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